My confidence has changed. Better put, where my confidence lies has changed. It is no longer in myself.
I don’t say this to undermine my skills or abilities, but instead draw from the deep and beautiful truth of who God says that I am. In the Lord’s wisdom, He has increasingly shown me my weaknesses and limitations. Physically, mentally, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually. These limitations push me closer to Him and create room for His guidance. Only the Lord can be and do what I cannot, whether it’s in work, relationships, ministry, or everyday moments. Summer (me) can only love and be so much for the people around me. When I’m at the end of myself, Jesus shows me that He is much much more. There are a few things I can control. I can work heartily for the Lord, supply my best efforts for Him to use, and pursue holiness. I can’t always change my circumstances. And in my own strength, I could not forgive wrongs done against me. I think this is why Jesus says, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible,” (Matthew 19:26, ESV). He is able to do abundantly more than anything we could ever ask or imagine. Not only around us, but in us and through us. Emphasis on “He is able,” not us.
On the matter of self-image, I can find it challenging to accept the truth that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (see Psalm 139:14). My confidence waivers when it finds its root in my appearance. One long and analytical glance in the mirror can feed the lie that God was not intentional with how He made me. I start believing that my imperfections are directly related to my worth and the whispers of the world around me seem inescapable, suggesting all of the things I need to change about myself. It is only when I stand on the truth of God’s word that I’m able to confidently combat those lies and remember that the Lord cherishes inner beauty and the hidden person of the heart over any outward expression. That is undoubtedly more precious to Him. We have to choose to believe that. One of my favorite quotes by a Christian theologian, C.S. Lewis, is this: “I would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creature that I could think of; for to have been born in God's thought, and then made by God is the dearest, grandest, and most precious thing in all thinking." Being exactly who God made us to be allows us to glorify Him even greater.
True confidence comes from true assurance of something. I don’t need to look left or right to the ever-changing “truth” of the world because it won’t last and it’s not guaranteed. My confidence cannot be based on perishable and transient things like money, looks, or my own abilities. Are there days where I put my trust in those things? 100%. I can too easily fall into believing that they will fully and finally satisfy. I can resort to relying on what is seen rather than walking in faith. But I pray that, in repentance, I would continuously look to the firm foundation of the Truth. The Truth that I am a beloved daughter of the Most High God and I was brought at a price. That He is worth eternally more than any worldly treasure. For God did not spare even His own Son for me and you, because of the great love with which He loved us. He is the way, the Truth, and the Life. He is worth trusting. That’s where my confidence lies. Don’t take my word for it, take His.
- Summer Broadbridge
